The fallacy of your perfect future self

December 15, 2020

By Elaine Goldhammer MD

Elaine Goldhammer is a medical doctor who has practiced western medicine for 24 years. In  2018, she created Inner Freedom Therapy to help clients in a deeper and more meaningful way.  She is now the leading Hypnotherapist and Life Coach in West Chester, PA. 

 I have spent a good part of my life, believing that life will be better once I reach x milestone.   I was mindlessly chasing something, living how I was “supposed” to with a career, kids, house, husband.  I was living this life of pressured perfectionism, that somehow, looking good at life would help me feel better in it.  But chasing this constant need for validation, or need to look good, smart, or pretty, or rich, or whatever was exhausting.  The funny thing is that I knew it the whole time.  I knew I was in this student to career to the parent to retire to then dying path that was not wholly fulfilling me, but I was too embarrassed to stop,  and I was terrified of admitting that despite my “accomplishments,” I was pretty lost.  

A few years ago, I woke up and changed a lot of things in my life.  I did not exactly jump out of the “rat race,” but I said no to a bad marriage, and dug deep into my brain, and doing the work of finding my voice, myself, and re-creating my life.  

Then COVID.  COVID, for me, was honestly not the most challenging event or period in my life.  It was unique, and each of us is experiencing the pandemic in our own way, both with suffering and with resiliency. 

What I find fascinating is that a lot of people have felt some relief from the pandemic.  For some, the “stay at home” mandate was a giant permission slip not to have to be “perfect” all the time.  What a freaking relief…  young parents had a break from birthday parties, others had a break from office get-togethers,  Disney vacations,  the rush to little league practice, no need to try to advance at work or no need to shave.  Plus,  we got to let a little silliness show through on Tiktok dance videos or allow a few extra pounds to pile on. For many,  it was a break from chasing the elusive carrot on the stick.  

     So here comes 2021, and although the pandemic is raging an angry head, there is some hope and perhaps a chance for life to return to “normal,” eventually.  But I want to ask, do you want to go back to how things were?  What are you chasing now?  I am sure that we can all think of a few things that seemed so important before, are quant memories that can be released forever now.  Most of us are making it into 2021 with our lives, our health, a little tattered but generally intact.  The human brain’s beauty is that we can imagine any future version of ourselves that we want.  We can dream up impossible dreams of ourselves.  What if we took the time to dream, not chase.  If we take the time to imagine who we are as our future selves and step into that emotion ahead of time.  Instead of pursuing this life that we are “supposed to have” and instead, why not create something crazy. For me, my crazy was moving from being a doctor to a hypnotherapist/life coach.  That is a little rogue. Trust me, that was not a comfortable nor an easy move, but it was where my imagination and ideas were leading me.  

 What do you imagine stepping into?  

   To create your future self, you have to know where you are going.  You have to know who you are becoming before you get there.  It is like setting the GPS before you start to drive. It may help to ask yourself some questions that narrow down some specifics.  Such as how much money do you want to make?  How much do you want to weigh?  Who do you want to have in your life?  Where do you want to live?  Do you want to be working?  Do you want to have your own business?  Or be an employee?  How many books do you want to read? Where in the world or community do you want to have an impact?  

There is no right or wrong question nor answer, only what you can imagine.  Once you have set your GPS, you can start making your way down that winding road.  If that feels scary, that is a good sign that you are onto something real and something that aligns with your larger goal for 2021. If you want a guide, a helper on that road, consider working with me.  I love this stuff (obviously).  We will have fun on the journey; you will be empowered with the tools to get there.  Click here to schedule a free consultation.  We can talk about it and start you on your journey.  




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If you would like to discuss this click to book a free consultation. 

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