Not being enough is a sneaky sentiment

March 9, 2021

By Elaine Goldhammer MD

Elaine Goldhammer is a medical doctor who has practiced western medicine for 24 years. In  2018, she created Inner Freedom Therapy to help clients in a deeper and more meaningful way.  She is now the leading Hypnotherapist and Life Coach in West Chester, PA. 

Striving to be enough is an exhausting motivator.

We can go through our lives trying to prove something to the world, proving that we are enough.  Believing that we need to be more feels like an important motivator.  This belief that we need to be in a perpetual state of needing to improve ourselves and our lives is so fundamental that to let it go can be disorienting.   

I am certainly guilty of trying to “self-help” so much that I ended up in spirals of confusion.  That energy of “working on myself” came from this sense of “not-enoughness.”  I am also guilty of over-giving to the point of burnout.  But again, this was coming from a place of “not-enoughness.”   Ironically, it did take some self-help techniques to see that.  When I re-focused on serving my family, friends, and clients from wanting to pay kindness forward, all the energy of “not enough” becomes irrelevant. 

As kids, the game is to work for good grades, and succeeding in school should make us feel like we are enough.  Then we tell our kids, well, that isn’t enough.  You also have to have extracurricular activities to get into college, and once you are in college, that is enough. The kids then put all this pressure on themselves to also be curated models who can dance on TikTok and Instagram.  (This must be terrible pressure for the shy, introverted kids, I can’t even imagine)

As adults, we are motivated to be organized, attend all the school events, cook gourmet meals, be fit, be in a good marriage, give and give and give…to prove what exactly?

Then we are left feeling like we are doing it all wrong.  

But my question is, what does “doing it all right” even mean?  I think the myth is that once we reach a particular goal, a specific picture of how things “should be,” then we will feel better.  Somehow feeling like crap on this journey to getting what we want in life is supposed to motivate us.  

Pause for a moment,

and breathe into the possibility that being a human being on this earth, is a fabulous gift and is always enough. 

 No matter your circumstance, I have

three basic lessons today to help you feel better. 

 1.There is nothing to prove, nothing that you “have” to do, nothing that you “should be.” In every take-home recording with hypnotherapy, I always include the line “You are breathing, your heart is beating, you have clean water to drink, and the rest of your life, is just for fun.”

  1. Be kind to yourself and be kind to others. IF we just go back to the basics of being kind to each other, kind to ourselves, and soaking in a bit of contentment and breathing in that sentiment for a minute.  Once that soaks in, THEN you can decide what you want to create in your life.  The key to creating success in your life without burning yourself to a crisp is that you have to start from a type of energy that feels good.  
  2.  Look outward rather than inward.  The act of giving, of serving others, of working on your art or creations gets you out of your head.  Too much inward gazing feeds our brain’s negative bias.  Our brains always are on the lookout for what is wrong, and if you ask it too many times, it will always find answers to any questions you request.  When you ask your brain a better question, such as “how can I leave this work, this earth, this family in a better place than when I started?” you will find a path to a life that is fulfilling. 


How can Inner Freedom Therapy help?

If you would like to discuss this click to book a free consultation. 

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  1. Martha Watson

    “You are breathing, your heart is beating, you have clean water to drink, and the rest of your life, is just for fun.”

    This meant so much for me!

    • elaine

      Wonderful Martha! Nice to hear from you.


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