How to Make Big Life Decisions, the #1 Tool that Changes Everything 

January 5, 2021

By Elaine Goldhammer MD

Elaine Goldhammer is a medical doctor who has practiced western medicine for 24 years. In  2018, she created Inner Freedom Therapy to help clients in a deeper and more meaningful way.  She is now the leading Hypnotherapist and Life Coach in West Chester, PA. 

If you want to change your life trajectory, you have to learn how to make decisions.  Think about it.  The larger decisions from your past make up the life that you have today.  Who you decided to marry, what career you chose to pursue, your decision to have children or not have kids all add up to how things look today.  Unfortunately, at a certain point, as adults, the tendency is to stop making decisions and to live most of our lives in the unconscious state of being.  We tend to go through the motion of living out the patterns of our past selves.  So many people are unhappy or feel stuck in their routines. It feels scary even to consider jumping out of that rut. The truth is, if we want to create our futures consciously, then we need to start deciding, decision after decision.  Often we find transformation and growth when a tragedy happens, some large unexpected event that shakes us out of our habits of being ourselves.   We honestly do not have to wait for someone to die, a hurricane to hit, or a pandemic to shift our brains and ignite us to start creating the shape of our lives. 

Here are a few lessons that can help you jump out of the subconscious track of life and into the exciting (slightly scary) path of creating your now and future. 

  1. You don’t HAVE to do anything. “Everything is optional.” is one of the most freeing lessons that I learned from my life coach training at The Life Coach School.   You don’t have to go to work every day. You don’t have to clean the dishes after dinner. You don’t have to study hard at school.    You choose to do these things each day, either on a conscious or on a subconscious level.   This lesson blows my mind every time I think about it.  Every time I am folding laundry or doing dishes, driving to work in the snow, or writing a blog, I can remind myself that I chose this. It makes all of these things more enjoyable and melts away my tendency towards resentment, and I would pick the emotion of joy over bitterness any day. The biggest gift is loving my kids more by embracing (choosing) being a mom rather than burdened by it. 
  2. By making conscious decisions over and over again, you can create a life you love.  I am not suggesting that you need to change your spouse or career if you feel stuck.  You can ask yourself, would you make these decisions over again?  Many of you would choose the same house, car, partner, career. It is always worth asking these questions.  If the answer is different this year than it was last year, at least you have the opportunity to explore what you want to change and why. Or you may discover that you already love the life that you have. 
  3. Making a decision only takes a second.  Being stuck in indecision is a drag.  Indecision drains your energy.  It is common to be so worried about making the “wrong decision” and get caught up in researching, contemplating, discussing, writing out the pros and cons.  This process of gathering information can be useful; however, much of it is an indulgence. Instead of being stuck in this cycle of taking forever to decide, I would suggest just being willing to be scared for a minute and try something out.  Active and experiential learning is a much faster way to personal growth than the passive consumption of knowledge. 
  4.   There are no wrong decisions,  and there are no right decisions.  Some plans create the results you want,   and other actions are learning opportunities; that is it.  Every path you take is a part of your life, so you may as well learn to love each twist and turn. 
  5. Ask why you are making this decision.  For instance, I know many people stay in relationships so that  “ no one gets hurt.” Still, if you are suffering through an emotionally unbalanced relationship, then someone is getting hurt, and it is probably you.  Are you continuing a career because you feel indebted to the number of years you studied, practiced, or school tuition you poured in?  Or are you staying in a job so you can learn to love it again?  Find your reasons why and make sure you like your answers!  
  6. You can learn to be happy with whatever decision you make.  A great way to make decisions is to ask yourself, “What if everything had a positive result, no matter what, which would  I choose?”  This question clarifies what you want and starts to answer the question of why.  


If this blog speaks to you, you should sign up for Brain Spa!  Make empowering decisions with loving support and guidance.  The beauty of having a life coach on your side is that you get permission to dive in deep into your own life, your decisions, and best of all, permission to love every twist, turn, and the path you take.   Click here to book a discovery call.  

How can Inner Freedom Therapy help?

If you would like to discuss this click to book a free consultation. 

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